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Not how or why.

I take pleasure in the fact that there are a select group of people out there who, when turning on the television to hear news of the apocalypse and the walking dead, would breathe a sign of relief and say, "FINALLY!"

Blake gave me The Walking Dead to read and I fell asleep over it today.  I had a dream that we were scheduled to hang out and, upon leaving my apartment, I found that there were zombies.  I went back inside and got my machete (which I actually do own) and made my way to his apartment.  It was fairly violent except I think, when I got to his elevator (why I wouldn't take the stairs I have no idea) I think a zombie pushed the floor button for me...  When I finally got to his apartment and he opened the door my reaction was, "BLAKE!  ZOMBIES!!!"  Happiest day ever.  Then I woke up.

Damn.

The good news is that I definitely spent the majority of last week/this weekend eating jello brains, hanging out with an amazing German boy, spending time with Gina the Magnificent, and watching French films and Mike Judge movies.  This has been the most relaxing little break from JTIC and school I've had in a while.

Also Gina and I might move in together.  I gave her the keys to my apartment the other day.  Our relationship is going places.  Shea: watch out.

- As Always -
Tucker

I only know it is,

Holy Judas it's been a long time since I updated.  So we're going to go with the standard list-thing until I get back up to speed.

Here goes:
  • Chicago rocks.
  • Join the Impact Chicago rocks.
  • Cleve FUCKING Jones.  Brunch.  Me.  Whoa.
  • Film students.
  • School started.
  • National March on Washington D.C. is in October.
  • Two dykes getting engaged on a float.
  • Watching movies at a private showing.
  • Planning a Great Nationwide Kiss-In.
  • Cleve FUCKING Jones.
  • Quit smoking.
  • Moving the fuck ON!
  • GREAT people.
  • Adorable little nest of an apartment.
  • Jello brains.
  • Adorable Italian friend.
  • CLEVE FUCKING JONES!!!
  • High heels and dresses.
  • Establishing freedom from my family.
  • CLEVE FUCKING JONES!!!
Phew... I think that's about it.

- As Always -
Tucker

And close connecting link,

After a long drive, a very emotional night, and a day of fun around the city, I am feeling more at peace with everything.  Without going too in-depth I've had some reservations about moving up here but, ultimately, I think it'll be a good move.  There are good people up here and even if I've had some issues with them and don't feel as close to them as I have, they're still good people.  I'm a very social person.  I can make friends.

What's more, though, is how important it is for me to get back in school and how good that'll be for me and my life, overall.  I think this city will be the best place to pursue an education and being around people in school (which is almost all my friends up here at the moment) will be very motivating.  Of course, I'll miss all the people in Champaign.  I am leaving a lot of really good people but I know that I'll be back.  Probably not as often as I anticipate right now, but if there's one thing that having friends up in Chicago has taught me it's that it's not really that far away from Champaign.

Also I got a hair cut.  It looks adorable.

- As Always -
Tucker

Sole meat and sweetest drink,



This looks really good.  Any Chicagoans want to see this with me when it opens?

So I got a place in Chicago.  Signed the lease and I'll be moving up June 1st.  The place is on 6341 Magnolia (off the Granville stop on the Red Line).  It's a cute, studio with a separate kitchen (which is really nice).  I'm excited to go up to Chicago but, honestly, I'm a bit more apprehensive.  Thankfully I do know that it's probably the best thing for me and, after about a month of living up there, the apprehension will have disappeared and the problems will have most likely worked themselves out in one way or another.

I think I may try to go for an RN at Truman College.  I figure I can be an RN in three, maybe four years and then I'll have a career job.  One that I can actually rely on for money.  RNs are in such a high demand in this country right now that, once I have it, I can go almost anywhere in the country (or another country for that matter).  I can actually afford to live in New York City if I so choose.  Then, once I've found a place to work, I can go back to school if I want (most places provide funding for further education).  So if I don't want to do it for the rest of my life I don't have to.  But even if I don't, I'll always have that and it'll help me out with almost every job opportunity.  It'll be one of the few jobs where my over critical nature can be beneficial (if you order a salad and you don't do it JUST the right way, it's okay and people get upset if you criticize them.  However, if you put in an IV and don't do it JUST the right way, it's a problem and needs to be addressed).  I'm smart enough of enough levels to do it and I think it could be good for me.

Mary Beth still thinks I should be a writer.

- As Always -
Tucker

And while I think,

I desperately want a personal trainer like the ones on The Biggest Loser

Anyway:

My grandmother's birthday was today and I went over to her house with some flowers to wish her a happy one.  She wasn't there so I phoned my Mom hoping maybe she knew of my grandmother's whereabouts.  I talked to my Mother for a few minutes on the phone when my grandmother's home phone range.  I asked my mother if she thought I should pick it up to which she, unsurprisingly said that I should.  It turned out to be my great aunt Rosemary (you can't make up the stuff that she says).  I told my Mom, still on my cell phone, that Rosemary was on the phone.  She told me to tell her "hi," to which Rosemary told me to tell my Mom something else, to which my Mom responded, to which she responded...

...I ended up having a half an hour conversation mediating between two New Yorkers.  I felt like I had suddenly and inexplicably developed multiple personality disorder.  Only my family would let something like that go on for more than a minute and a half - tops.  Finally, after quite some time, my Mother told me to tell Rose that she was going to call her in a few and give me a chance to finish talking to her.  I told this to Rose and then the both of them, at the same time said, "Okay - bye!" and hung up.  So then I was left with NO ONE to talk to!

...the women in my family are absolutely mad.  The unfortunate part is that it has nothing to do with the above story.

- As Always -
Tucker

I think a while of Love,

Man has this been an interesting month.  I'm going to be moving up to Chicago June 1st (or something close to that), and the living arrangement I had been hoping on for quite some time has fallen through.  I'm frustrated but at peace about it (if you can, in fact, be both things at the same time).  The good news is that I've put in my application to Truman and been accepted (surprise, surprise), so I can start up school in the Fall when I do get up there.  I'm madly looking for a place.  I'm thinking I'll sublease a place for a few months before I commit to something more long-term.  I want to know the city a bit better before I decide upon a place to stay long-term.

I've been reading through the book The Five Love Languages.  It's been really hard on me since it reminds me so much of my relationship with Matthew and my parents' relationship.  But I'm almost done with it and I'm fairly proud of myself for taking the initiative to sit up and just read it.  There's a lot of good stuff in there and, despite how difficult it's been to read it, it's been very healing.  Even though it's been good, I'll be glad to be done with it.  After that I'll move onto the book Boundaries.  While I've been reading these I've been slowly getting through The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and I'm now on The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.  Fantastic books - I've no idea why I haven't read them before now.  I'm thinking maybe after these I'll go through the Ender's Game series.

I'm going to try to update a bit more than I have lately.  We'll see how that works...

...also I've had a migraine for about five days now and the weather's not showing any signs of giving me a break soon.  Awesome.  Go pills, go!

- As Always -
Tucker

Sans everything.

Wow has it been an interesting month.

A breakdown of what's happened:
  • Started doing respite care through Developmental Services Center for my family.  Despite my concerns about it originally, it's working out pretty well.  Justice is doing a lot better and, as long as he has his medication on time, he does pretty well with the exception of a few nights where he's thrown himself around a bit.
  • I took in a seventeen year-old girl named Krystal who I know through my friend Ash Scarbrough.  Her Mom kicked her out of the house so I let her stay with me until the end of the month (tonight we packed her stuff and she's staying with someone else now).  It went well at first and I'm glad I tried to take it on.  She's incredibly sweet and well-meaning but apparently never learned how to say "Thank you" or validate (which, unfortunately for us, happens to be one of my sensitivities).  She didn't really get the concept of how much money I was spending on her (she's never had a job, so that kind of makes sense), and took a lot of stuff that I did for granted.  After having a big blow-out today because of something pretty minor that was just the straw that broke the camel's back we sat down and I told her that I wasn't giving up on her, that I was just not emotionally prepared to deal with this right now.  She was supposed to live somewhere else at the end of the month anyway so I guess it works out pretty well.  To everyone who took care of me when I was fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen: Thank you.  I know I've said it before but thank you very much.  I probably haven't said it enough (but at least I didn't steal shit from you...)
  • I'm still planning on moving up to Chicago although there's been a big change of plans regarding it.  I was originally planning on moving up to Chicago and into a big place with some friends who are already up there and some who were looking to move up there.  Despite the fact that I was involved in this planning process from the beginning stages, I got kicked out of the housing arangement because one person wasn't comfortable with me being there.  Apparently how long you know someone marks seniority in deciding things like this and I (again, despite being in this from the beginning and helping plan some stuff out) have to find a place to stay by June 1st.  Awesome.
That's pretty much all for now.

- As Always -
Tucker

Sans eyes,

Ten Rules for Being Human
by Cherie Carter-Scott
  1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
  2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
  3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
  4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
  5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
  6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
  7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
  8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
  9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
  10. You will forget all this.
- As Always -
Tucker

Sans teeth,

An Actor's SurveyCollapse )

- As Always -
Tucker

Is second childishness and mere oblivion,

I just found this and HAD to share it:



Good LORD I wish I was there!!!
(thank you TW)

- As Always -
Tucker